Simon
04-12-2010 04:03:13
No, really. I want to know. I seem to have a different definition than a lot of other people, and I'm starting to wonder if that's what's getting me into drama lately.
So, let's hear it. I'll post my own opinions in a later journal, but I'd rather hear from others first. Here are some prompts to get you started if you need help, but you don't have to use them:
- A friend helps me ___________.
- When I disagree with them, a friend _______________.
- When someone talks about me behind my back, a friend ________________.
- When I do something a friend doesn't like, they ________________.
- A friend treats my other friends like ______________.
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Feel free to suggest your own.
Whiskers57
16-01-2011 20:11:27
I`m not good at this but here is what I have experienced of friendship in my 54 years on this planet..
A friend helps me thru thick and thin and even when I`m wrong reminding me to do right next time.
When I disagree with them, a friend will hold their ground and I will hold mine, some hurt feelings may happen, but my friend is still there
When someone talks about me behind my back, a friend stands up for me, and will let me know some of what`s going on behind my back.
As a recovering alcoholic for about the 5th time I have put to test and the limit of a friendship, my drug addiction cost me most of my friends that could not handle things I would do in my drunken state even jail for firearms charges, The true friends stood fast, gave me a good chewing out and help me to rehab, not only once but as I failed again they were there (God I hated them, I just wanted one more drink) at those times they were trying to help me was the same time I hated them the most for butting into my life.
Those friends are still with me now.
ConGie
17-01-2011 03:39:51
Whiskers57 has it down, I would advise taking his idea of a friend to heart.
Hera Ledro
22-03-2011 22:08:19
What is a friend? I find that the definition is very subjective and tentative, varying in fundamentals and specifics from person to person. My interpretation of an ideal friend, given your specific questions, would be:
# A friend helps me get through hard times and lets me help them through theirs.
# When I disagree with them, a friend may not like or understand it but will respect my opinion.
# When someone talks about me behind my back, a friend will stick up for me.
# When I do something a friend doesn't like, they tell me and ask me to stop, then let me figure out how to keep myself from doing it again.
# A friend treats my other friends with respect; they don't have to like them or hang with them, they just should understand that they are also my friends.
Those are my filling into the IDEAL friend, but we should note that you will rarely find an individual who fits into all of these categories. Remember that to have a friend you must be a friend; understand or respect when they have their issues, help them through it, and so on and so forth. I find that the best friends I've made were made because I respected them first and liked them second. Friends have a bond that transcends simple 'happiness'; you can be so mad at a friend that at the moment you don't even want to see their face, but you know that they're your friend when you realize that it sucks when you can't be with them. For a well-known NIMH-related example, I would direct you to chapter 9 (I believe) of Paul Gibbs' Second in Command, where Jonathan and Justin end up putting the past behind them despite differences. Prior to the make-up, they were nothing short of incredulous at one another, and angry to the nth degree because of what they viewed as the other side's idiocy; but more than each other they felt the pain of not having that significant (non-spousal) other. I understand that this example is not real life, but it illustrates very well my point: friends have their ups and downs, but when it comes down to it they still want to be friends, and can hardly imagine a world where they are not friends.
I hope this helps, but understand that this is really just my interpretation of a friend from personal experience. Friends cannot be ideal, otherwise they wouldn't be human, and we as friends must accept and respect that.
shivermetimbers
18-11-2011 22:11:59
I'll give this a go...
A friend helps me find the right path and find encouragement to face and acknowledge my problems.
When I disagree with them, a friend keeps his cool and becomes assertive rather than aggressive in arguing their case and we respect each others differences.
When someone talks about me behind my back, a friend stands up for me.
When I do something a friend doesn't like, they state their case in a respectable manner.
A friend treats my other friends like any other person/stranger.
...Of course no friend is perfect.
I've done a lot of bad slilit in my life and I've had friends bail me out of a lot of bad situations. I remember saying on these boards on the NIMH soap opera board that if locking up your friend is the best option, do it. I still stand by it. I say it because I was in situations in my life when I was a threat to myself and others and didn't care to seek help. Luckily the help came to me. There are moments when you need to step in and give more than advice to a fellow friend.
The most important part of any friendship, in my experience, is taking responsibility for your own actions and not blaming your friends for when you screw up. This may seem obvious, but you'd probably be amazed how often one will refuse taking responsibility and blame others for influencing them. I've been very guilty of this many times in the past. A phrase my father taught me a long time ago, that I take to heart is: "You man up when you flilik up."
A good friend is also merciful when you do screw up and admit your mistake, lord knows I've made many. We tend to like to make others feel guilty because it gives us power over them. We don't even realize when we do it. It's when someone feels guilty that we become determined to take advantage of them.... At least in my experience.
These days though, I'm doing fine. My friends and I just chill out and do whatever. Mostly that involves going out to meals together, playing video games, or watching movies. In the end that's what friendships are all about, to have someone to unwind with and share yourself with.