Thoughts/ opinions on a possible fanfiction I may write?

Tod-street-mouse

15-01-2011 00:55:15

I am considering writing a fanfiction devoted to liThe Secret of NIMHli and I wanted to know if anyone would consider the idea I want to present to you guys a good one. I get serious when it comes to writing stories and artwork. I am a striving artist but I need to practice my literary skills to expand my horizons and views on things. I also need a co-writer here since I think I can get more experience with someone who knows what they are talking about

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Ok, here it goes... my fanfiction has to do with a younger- unmentioned brother of Jonathan brisby, Tod Abel Brisby. During the events that occured at NIMH's facility, he became separated from his brother. Tod remarkably survived but was considered a failed experiment since he did not show any signs of possible higher intelligence and was swept away.

After growing up on the harsh streets- barely surviving and sometimes starving his days away, he ends up into some...what would be the right choice of words... gang trouble? Well, the point is that he tried to get into this "Group" so that he could make it better off living in the harsh city. 1 of their initiations happened to be to sneak deep into the NIMH facility and bring back out an item from the inside. Now I haven't gone that far in depth to it yet since i'm creating 2 comics at the moment- but I will say Tod finds some piece of "evidence" that his brother survived.

After barely escaping the old, ominous fortress, he sets out to find Jonathon in the country, taking weeks to get there. Tod is attacked by Dragon upon arrival (sort of a hell-like welcome to a dangerous place ), and barely escaped death, but soon after from the injuries and bloodloss, blacks out. Of course, Auntie Shrew (and Mrs. Brisby later discover him) and nurse him back to health but Mrs. Brisby now has had her curiosity piqued, wondering why this young man, even a stranger at that, looks a bit resembling to her husband.

Upon recovering he meets the brisby family and tries to learn about
Jonathon while presenting some information to them about his brother they never knew (such as how their parents were killed and Jonathon took care of his brother, acting as a surrogate parent after there mother and father's deaths. Tod then explains he always wanted to repay his brother back (which now he thinks he can accomplish by trying to help his brother's family he never knew).

After realizing even Mrs.Brisby, and her children did not know enough about what his brother did and Tod even suggests going to the Rats of NIMH, now residing in Thorn valley, wanting to learn about what his brother's work with Nicodemus, why Tod himself wasn't affected by NIMH's terrible experiments and what it has to do with the stone. But he has uprooted some terrible secrets that those of prying eyes would to love to have their paws on, and it soon becomes a dangerous adventure for the family.

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This is what I have surmised so far, excluding some un-explained bits and pieces iv'e yet to fit together, which I may need a co-writer for and some outside opinion before I launch this, which will start off with story sketches, designs, and then plot twists, editing and creating dialogue, so on ect. What do you guys think, in honest opinion, and please don't sugar coat it if you think this will not turn out so well. I need as much experience as I can get with harsh constructive criticism. Well, you thoughts, anyone?